Formed in 2018, boygenius is an American indie rock supergroup made up of independently successful artists Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus and Julian Baker. Their artful lyricism and three-part harmony based melodies cover a range of topics, from heartbreak, to friendship, to their identities as famous singer-songwriters. One of their earlier songs, Bite The Hand, focuses on this latter theme, and journeys through the taxing and emotional relationship between celebrities and their supporters. This song aims to criticise the parasocial relationship that many of boygenius’s fans have with the band. It presents a mix of emotions in response to this anomaly, and although recognises the necessity of this symbiotic relationship, does not let this nullify the members’ needs for boundaries with their listeners and personal privacy.

Immediately, the band draws a clear line between themselves and their fans, a boundary not to be crossed. First, a physical separation is created in the opening line, which states the fans are “too far away”. This is further established through the anaphora of “I can’t [hear/see/touch] you” through the first verse, each time shifting to a different sense and associated verb. Together, this forms a feeling of entrapment and the impossibility of this life, where they give up their everything to satisfy supporters who still ask for more. It also acts as a reminder that fame is not the utopia it seems, despite the connotations of notoriety that “lights” carries. Instead, the lights are given a blinding and unwanted quality. By progressing from one sense to the next – “hear”, then “see”, then “touch” – each degree of closeness that the fans desire is denied, building to a final confession that “I can’t touch you, I wouldn’t if I could.” This acts as an explicit reminder that this is, in fact, a parasocial relationship, and therefore immensely unbalanced in what the two parties want and expect from it. Therefore, this first verse establishes a rational and simplistic precedent for the rest of the song to follow – the desire for increased separation from fans.

This emotional restraint, however, cannot be retained through the song, which instead builds in both fear and frustration. The first implications of this are presented as the song moves into its second verse. The band has “distilled” the “best part” of themselves to present to the public eye. This invokes a reference to the carefully crafted PR image, and of only sharing their most amiable and respectable qualities, brought on by the metaphor of distillation – a process of precise purification. Despite this effort, it is not enough for the fans, who want everything of these artists without any degree of privacy and force celebrities to walk this careful line between satisfying their fans and still retaining a level of dignity and a life apart from their careers. Much like the previous verse, the final lines here reinstate a feeling of entrapment, the writer explaining that their “hands are tied”. On one hand, this typical expression creates a sense of resignation, as if they have accepted their fate that they will never make everyone happy. On the other hand, there could also be a hint of self-aware irony here, as it is the fans who have elevated the artists to this position, in doing so both trapping them and demanding them to be entirely free with information. Moreover, the description of the fans’ hands “grabbing”, carrying childish, impatient and persistent implications, reinforced by the continued use of direct address, serves to shift the emotional expression of the song. Not only is there now a clear separation between artist and fan, but also perhaps a growing frustration with the supporters’ unreasonable and unfair behaviour. 

“I can’t love you like you want me to.”

Both the simplicity of statement of the first verse and the building emotional frustration of the second come to fruition in the chorus, the repetition of this single line – “I can’t love you like you want me to.” This is quite a typical method in boygenius’s songwriting, most notably in their most famous song, Not Strong Enough and its mantra of “Always an angel, never a god.” Not only does this provide the song with its core message and drives the point home through repetitions, it also allows for greater consideration of its various meanings. Firstly, this line could be understood as a confession, perhaps a final acceptance for the writer that they cannot win no matter what, and have made peace with that fact. This is corroborated with a sense of inadequacy, suggesting the negative, internal, emotional impact this relationship has left on the artists. However, there is a growing element of frustration as the line continues on, almost begging the fans to comprehend and internalise their point, rather than ignoring it like they have every other ask for privacy.

This growing feeling of anger culminates in an explosive and confrontational bridge, in which a list of rhetorical questions serve to put the fans through the same invasive interrogation that the artists themselves have been subject to. There’s a level of spite to this, a desire to give the fans a ‘taste of their own medicine’, whilst simultaneously calling out their supporters’ self-decided entitlement to information, asking them “Who do you think you are?”. Furthermore, the following question “Who do you think I am?” serves as a reminder that boygenius as, ultimately, ordinary people despite their fame, and therefore neither perfect nor characters to be obsessed over. This could also address a key fault of parasocial relationships by reinstating the fact that these artists are not their supporters’ lovers or friends or mentors, and therefore not replacements for real, genuine social connection or emotional intimacy. What follows, however, is not further vindication but the sudden confession that “Maybe I’m afraid of you.” This is repeated twice, perhaps the first one being a ‘dam-breaking’ moment of emotional vulnerability, then the second an assurance with greater confidence, affirming their own feelings. Overall, what this reveals is that the core of this aggression and, as could be referred to by the fans, ungratefulness, is fear. 

An admittance of fear serves to illuminate the following lines, which capitalize on the “bite the hand” saying that the song takes its name from. Both lines begin with “I’ll bite the hand”, in which the anaphora and the modal verb “will” could suggest both a promise and a warning, a warning that this endless ignorance of what they ask for may have unwanted consequences for the fans. This could also invoke the imagery of a reactive dog seeming aggressive due to excessive fear, lashing out as a response, much like the band does through this song. Moreover, the traditional inclusion of “the hand that feeds”, and then addition of “the hand that needs”, emphasises the symbiotic relationship between artist and fan. “Feeds” could be taken in a very literal way, as a recognition that it is their supporters who provide them with a salary and a livelihood. It could also be a reference to how fans feed boygenius with material for songs, much like this one, and also create the environment where they are able to write and release their music as they want. In addition, “the hand that needs” constructs the image of screaming fans reaching for the stage, but could also be reflective of boygenius’s significance as a source of emotional validation and support for many fans. Therefore, a delicate balance is struck between the two parties, yet this song is a recognition that a symbiotic relationship does not, and should not, mean a complete absence of boundaries.

As Bite The Hand comes to a close, the mantra of  “I can’t love you like you want me to” continues to repeat, but with one key difference – instead of singing in unison, the three members take separate harmony lines at consecutive times. This development could be indicative of a desire to remind the fans they are, ultimately, separate individuals who have lives and careers away from this ‘supergroup’. More importantly, to remind them they are just human. They reconvene, however as the instruments die away, for two final repetitions. As a result, the final message of the song is stripped down to an almost conversational tone, and a final plea to recognise them as people outside of the famous band.